Notes from the COVID-19 Battlefield

I am infected with COVID-19.
No, I don't have the virus that physically attacks my body, but I suffer from its effects. I am scared, confused, and helpless to deal with the uncertainty.

I made the tough decision to make a compromise in my career, putting it on pause (yet again) because there is no viable system that would guarantee my young middle-schooler child's safety. I'm an early educator. Some call us daycare workers, but I'll fight till the end to be given that educator title. I have two degrees to back that up and more than two decades of experience to boot. But that's another war I'm waging and another story to tell. So, I am a teacher. Proud to be and worked many years to achieve what I have and to be where I'm at in this field. I rose to the ranks by pure effort.


But, as much as I'm dedicated to my profession. I am a mom. That's my ultimate job. I find it hypocritical to pursue taking care of others' children when I can't ensure the safety and well-being of my own. If he stays home alone on remote learning from 8 am to 5 pm while we work, how sure am I that there are no predators that might stalk and harm him, knowing he's vulnerable? Or that he will not feel like we've left him for our own pursuits? If the schools open up, how safe is he from the unseen enemy? Can he really feel like he makes stable connections without the usual interactions he's known with his friends and teachers? Will that make him feel more isolated and alone?

Of course, we've talked at length and often about these possible scenarios with our son and all the safety guidelines we can implement. He puts on a brave face and voice and tells us he will do his best on whatever plan we'll take. He frequently comes crawling into bed late at night with us, asks to be held, and says, "I'm scared, mommy"!

COVID has got me, like so many other families, infected with fear and uncertainty. We are at war, and all of us will come out of this with some form of trauma. In these times, there's only so much we can do. Set your priorities, bear down, and hold on to your faith and beliefs. Survive however way you can.

Good luck, and hold on!